Family bullying is the environment where the bullies and the harassed come from. Bullying is nothing more than mistreatment that can cause physical and psychological damage, usually children and adolescents suffer. This damage is caused by third parties (stalkers) intentionally and on different occasions to achieve some kind of benefit, whether material or not.
What is family bullying?
As we already mentioned, it is about the mistreatment that both children and adolescents suffer, although it is not believed that there are early adults who also suffer from it, it usually happens in places of study when perhaps there is no adult supervision for each child, not with This is to say that in places like the home there is no abuse, since it has been shown that the home forges values and on many occasions it has been shown that the abuse that exists in the home is copied and taken to places like schools.
Normally the stalker or stalkers take advantage of any type of weakness to take advantage and take “power” to make their victim suffer and thus get any benefit. As long as the harassed person looks helpless, the harasser takes the opportunity to carry out his abuse.
Intrafamily bullying is all kinds of violence that occurs in the family nucleus and we must recognize that the identification of bullying is difficult and more so when it comes to the home, although we have already expressed that it is from the home where the problem lies that is truly complicated. it is being able to distinguish between normal sibling rivalry and abusive sibling interaction.
The fact that a marriage does not work properly, and that the home environment is full of shouts, reproaches, threats, physical aggression, blackmail and whims are the consequences that lead to the formation of an abusive child, due to the deficiencies that this It has different aspects such as: lack of communication, lack of dialogue, absence of values such as: respect, sincerity, trust and These types of things are part of the correct training that those involved should carry out.
This type of behavior is given by the parents within their marriage and is copied by the children by both or at least one of them and many times these inappropriate behaviors come from courtship before deciding to start a family and have their origin in a concept erroneous freedom and they have been treating each other for so long that they do not notice that there is abuse in the family nucleus.
What causes family bullying?
The reasons why bullying begins in the family is usually due to a lack of empathy in which the bully is unable to put himself in the other’s position and see the suffering. But the truth is that there are different cases in which it is not known specifically what triggers this type of abusive situation, when it is said that it is because there is no empathy, it is a common characteristic that is seen in these cases of family violence. .
The beginning of this type of violence can eradicate the deterioration of training that is currently experienced in society, it is about being the most successful and appropriate at the moment that is being formed in the childhood of our adolescents and our children. .
I believe that the root of this is formed from the various marital differences, which causes so many ruined marriages. And the reason is not the one that many say that now they love each other less than before, in particular I think that is not true. Perhaps the fact of having a bad socioeconomic situation at home could influence bullying due to little organization at home or tensions in the marriage.
Another cause can be when the harasser is motivated from before by the absence or abandonment of a parent. When a person begins to become a stalker, it is diagnosed as violent behavior. Mostly in this type of behavior is, in which individuals develop an aggressive attitude and in which they proceed to be violent.
A reflection of Pope Francis
The words of Pope Francis in the homily of the morning Mass at Casa Santa Marta and he tells us:
“If in the heart there is “something negative” towards the brother, the Pope commented, “there is something that does not work and you must convert, you must change”. He added that “anger is an insult against the brother, it is something that occurs on the line of death”, “it kills him”. He noted that, especially in the Latin tradition, there is “wonderful creativity” in coming up with nicknames. But, he warned, “when the nickname is friendly it goes well, the problem is when it is of another type”, when the “insult mechanism” occurs, it is “a way of denigrating the other”.
“And it is not necessary to go to a psychologist,” said the Pope, “to know that when one denigrates the other, it is because he himself cannot grow and needs to humiliate the other to feel like someone.” This is an “ugly mechanism”. Jesus, he evidenced, “with all simplicity says”: “do not speak ill of each other. Do not denigrate yourselves. Don’t disqualify yourselves.” And then he continued “because deep down we all walk the same path”, “we all walk the same path that leads us to the end”. Therefore, he reflected, “if things do not go the way of brotherhood, we will all end badly: the one who insults and the insulted.”
The Pope later observed that “if one is not capable of mastering the language, one loses” and also “the real aggressiveness, the one that Cain had with Abel, is repeated in the arc of history”. It is not that we are bad, the Pope affirmed, “we are weak and sinners.” Precisely for this reason it is “easier”, “to end a situation with an insult, with a slander, with a defamation than to fix it with something good”.
“I would like to ask the Lord to give us all the grace to be careful with our tongues when it comes to what we say about others.” It is “a small penance,” he added, “but it bears good fruit.” Sometimes he found one is left hungry” and thinks: “What a pity that I have not tasted the fruit of a delicious comment against the other”. But, he said, in the long run “this hunger bears fruit and does us good.” This is why we must ask the Lord for this grace: to adapt our life “to this new Law, which is the law of meekness, the law of love, the law of peace”, “avoid” the comments we make towards others, or the explosions that lead us to insult or easy anger. May the Lord grant us all this grace!”
This beautiful reflection encourages us to think about the damage that we can do to another person with the simple fact of a comment, just as the Pope invited you to do the penance that he gives us. In order to improve as a society, because in the end we are all brothers and God asks us to love our neighbor.
What are the signs of family bullying?
There are signs that can warn us that someone is suffering from some kind of bullying:
- Depression, anxiety, irritability, lack of appetite, headache, malaise, tiredness, feeling of suffocation.
- When people have some kind of sleeping difficulties, nightmares or insomnia.
- The fact that an individual has some kind of social isolation, apathy and introversion.
- People tend to stay on alert constantly.
- When it comes to toddlers, they start to not want to hang out with other kids.
- When adolescents and children miss school recurrently.
- There are people who begin to have feelings of guilt and assumption of responsibility for the events.
- The type of behaviors that cause the person to flee or avoid others.
- Outright denial of the facts and inconsistencies.
- Existence of uncontrolled crying, which is an extreme emotional response.
- There are those who are afraid of losing control and often of being alone.
- They begin to rub a kind of symptoms such as: tremors, palpitations, restlessness, nervousness, pessimism.
- And lastly and one of the strongest is the threat and attempted suicide. All these are warning signs, to which we as a society belong and we must be alert.
All of these are warning signs, to which we as a society belong and we must be alert.
How to prevent the bullying?
- Leave behind those aggressive attitudes or behaviors that may exist between one or both parents.
- We know that when there are no values in the home or experience, it is a fact that a stalker begins to form.
- Let’s try not to be absent in the lives of our children, dad and mom, we know that it is necessary to work but our son needs a lot of presence.
- We must live as a family with limits and rules that allow us to have a good coexistence.
- Leave behind those aggressive attitudes or behaviors that may exist between one or both parents.
- We are aware that being parents is difficult, there is no manual that explains in detail how to be a good parent, but it does not help us much to be dictators and imposing or otherwise super permissive, indifferent or cold, the truth is that these traits form negative things and are these what we must discard and leave behind.
The prevention of bullying or harassment is essential to minimize and oppress its effects as soon as possible. Although the causes that originate bullying, as we have already seen, are different, a solution must be sought that allows improvement. It can be done through extensive and open proposals, always counting on dialogue as the main tool to stop it. These proposals can be focused on: “Minimizing all kinds of incidence with respect to the subject and in this way begin to reduce existing cases.”
- Minimize all kinds of incidence
It is the authorities that have to carry out measures that prevent the appearance of new cases of bullying, but to achieve this they must identify the existing cases that are high risk and those that generate and act on them. The fact of carrying out campaigns and workshops to raise awareness about abuse in a formative way that allows you to explain the appropriate educational models to deal with.
- How are cases reduced?
It is important that actions are carried out to reduce the abuse and that it does not continue to be provoked and that the victim continues to have the same or greater problems. It is recommended that there be a fairly fluid communication relationship between all the relatives who are in the home. It helps a lot to have the constant company of people the harassed person trusts so that the suffering disappears or the abuse is resorted to, this contribution can be quite beneficial.
It is well known that harassment or bullying are the methods used by one or the harasser to intimidate their victim, which can be classified as follows:
It is when the harasser hits, pushes or uses any instrument to do physical harm to his victim. on certain occasions they begin to hide their things that are the property of the victim.
It is that which consists of insulting, calling names, making threats or provoking another individual.
This type of harassment occurs when the harasser decides to isolate his victim by spreading rumours, convincing other individuals not to talk to him, or humiliating him in public, all to make the victim feel isolated.
It is one of the most used and its purpose is based on all the forms and actions that have to do with sexual acts such as: non-consensual touching or making fun of the sexual orientation of the victim, these are and many more things.
Or cyber bullying as it is also known: This is a type of harassment that is currently widely used by the different technological advances, it happens through mobile phones, tablets, computers, etc. In these cases, the stalker has the habit of sending messages or writing things on any social network and even sends unpleasant emails; It is based on spreading rumors, images and videos through social networks, which are demeaning for the victim, it is also seen the creation of false profiles that can be embarrassing.
How to act against family bullying?
If a child, adolescent or even early adult shows mood or behavior changes, it is important to try to talk to them to determine the reason. This must be carried out, how? Maintaining a conversation calmly and listening to each of the things that they have to say, always trusting that what counts is the truth, one should never doubt what the victim tells.
At the moment that the person tells that he is a victim of harassment or bullying, it is important to reinforce his self-esteem and support him, letting him know that it is not his fault, clarifying that abusers are always looking for people with pure feelings to harm them. This type of abuse usually cannot be stopped with the harasser in a conversation so it is important to go to the necessary authorities.
So that they are aware and have a certain responsibility to protect the victims for this type of situation, so that some solution to the problem can be proposed.
Consequences of family bullying
The consequences especially afflict the victim who can have all kinds of failure depending on their environment, be it at school because it is a child and adolescent, work and university because we are talking about an early adult.
This can cause high levels of anxiety, phobia of attending the usual environments, not to mention dissatisfaction and personality changes, this leads the victim to begin to become an insecure person, with low self-esteem. In such a case that the abuse continues to increase, symptoms of hysteria or depression may develop.
It is quite sad that the profiles and image that the victims can have of themselves are quite negative, this can cause in some cases to have aggressive reactions that end in suicide attempts.
Diagnosis and Treatments
Detecting bullying is quite complicated because the victims tend to hide the abuse and more so when it comes to the family environment and thus preventing them from being helped by other people around them. It is for this reason that cases that cannot be hidden or cases of high severity of injuries or symptoms are frequently detected. To achieve this, one should try to visualize a series of guides in the behavior of the victims in which it shows or can lead to the suspicion of a possible risk of abuse.
The cases that are in public view and are usually more likely to suffer abuse are individuals such as: homosexuals, lesbians, bisexuals and transsexuals, who may suffer homophobic bullying, people of color or who are in a culture that is not shared for theirs they are also victims.
Children who are victims of bullying are usually observed as physical traits such as being obese or very thin, they use glasses, dental braces or different clothes from the rest, they are new to school or in the country, the bullies perceive these traits as a weak, unpopular person with few friends and starts attacking them.
The treatment will depend on each case and will require an individual analysis of the victim and the approach of a group of specialists in different areas.
Emilly Stefan The Fear lab was an American author of young adult novels, most known for her fantasy series, Age of the Seventh Sun.