Through the following article, the Importance of Communication in the Family will be announced , how it can affect the behavior of children as they grow up, and the opposite case, the Lack of Communication in the Family , will also be discussed .
Basic Elements for Communication in the Family
The expression dialogue of the deaf represents a concept with which not everyone is familiar, however, it has a great meaning with it, this refers to when two people are arguing (not exactly aggressively) about any subject, but neither Of the two, she is empathic enough to put herself in the other’s place and, therefore, manage to understand him.
Once the concept of dialogue of the deaf has been clarified, we can understand the processes that go into the act of communication, thus revealing that communication is a two-part process, that is, a sender and a receiver, these two have as objective is to try to understand what the other is trying to communicate, thus revealing; communication is a complex process and not as simple as just sending information.
There is an erroneous belief that communication already exists when speaking, but this could not be more wrong, the reason is that the mere fact of emitting sounds through words does not count as a communicative act, the reason is that the emitter is directed towards a receiver, therefore, for effective communication to exist, a relationship must be established between the one who sends the message and the one who receives it.
An almost perfect example of bad communication is political speeches, many of them talk for hours, however, despite talking so much they don’t say anything, the reason for this is that many times, just talking tirelessly for a long time without the another person responds, attention is lost, therefore, it can be seen how the message, despite being sent, does not reach the receiver as expected.
Many experts have tried to thoroughly analyze the role that messages play between people, they have wanted to study and understand how these integration processes take place within companies, in this way they could effectively understand how teams are created. of work.
These same experts came to the conclusion that, when the different members of a work team, that is, people, are flattered with messages that make them feel worthwhile, that they are respected and important, even that they are appreciated, they tend to be more productive and open with the company, the curious thing is that this also facilitates their family lives, since these same practices are carried out at home.
Interpersonal relationships and how communication influences
There are studies that have been carried out and these have come to the conclusion that communication is not only a key element, but the most important element when it comes to being able to establish and develop a relationship of any kind, everything is important in the communication process, from verbal communication to the gestures and attitudes of those who communicate.
The importance of communication lies in the achievement of correctly forming interpersonal relationships, this is an almost irreplaceable means to be able to contact other people, to capture what interests them and to know their way of thinking, in addition, you can also reach know what they feel and what worries them.
Another great advantage that comes with communication is being able to approach people more efficiently, in this way a better performance is achieved when it comes to being intimate with people, this also offers the opportunity to clarify situations that if left untreated could lead to misunderstandings, in this way, the groups are helped to understand each other’s points of view and thus relate better.
If there is no respect in a relationship, there is an evident lack of interest, there are plenty of sarcasms that hurt, there is cynicism and contempt for the other, this relationship will either be toxic or it will not be productive, however, if the case is the opposite and the people are kind to each other, communicate ideas and appreciate each other, there will be a better relationship.
When communication is used in a positive way, to build and promote ideas, it becomes a more than efficient means to promote positive relationships, therefore, it is ideal that understanding between people is promoted through communication. , support between people is promoted because, by applying communication, conflicts can be solved and even avoided.
Although it is true that communication offers many benefits when it is used positively, it is also true that when it is misused, when it is already used to offend others, when it is used to hurt others, communication stops. being a positive tool, on the contrary, becomes a weapon, this because it is used to promote the distancing of people.
That is why we can conclude that, when communication is used in the relationship in a negative way, when its objective is to harm others, manipulate them, etc. Communication becomes a weapon that destroys interpersonal relationships, this applies to all areas in which the person operates, someone who uses communication as a weapon with their peers is very likely to do so with the family as well.
Communication within the family
When it comes to family relationships, we are faced with a host of affective, psychological, moral and spiritual ties that link its members to an environment that can be safe and reliable, where communication is a genuine and frank element through which members of a family support each other to meet both individual and collective needs, essentially emotional ones.
To have good relationships within the family, communication (mainly from parents to children) is the essential element. Parents who communicate effectively with their children not only build an environment conducive to self-confidence, but also teach and train them to be healthy communicators. Human beings seek to communicate their needs and thoughts from the moment they are born.
At first, this communication is achieved through crying, an opportunity in which the interaction with their parents will be of great importance for the development of the first communicative traits in early childhood. This is the fundamental basis for the development of feelings of confidence and self-esteem that people require for the normal development of their personality.
All these communicative processes take place within the family environment, and in turn the family is nourished by communication. Research on the subject maintains that in problematic families real communication problems are evident, because they have not been able to promote the appropriate mechanisms to exchange their opinions, communicate needs, feelings and expectations, which means that any communicative attempt can be conceived as a source of new conflicts.
Communication in the family has a configuration, in which, apart from direct messages, a system of signs are revealed that give the person receiving the message an idea of the correct category to which it belongs, which will allow them to frame the itself correctly. Such is the case of messages that are literal and concern the meaning of the words, compared to the metaphorical sense of them. These signs are transmitted through the modulation of the voice, body or facial gestures.
If the members of the family assimilate the way of communicating, correctly managing the way, time and place, in addition to the tone in which they should be spoken, they will be able to cement a positive relationship, establishing the necessary conditions so that all the members consider themselves appreciated, supported and respected. real opportunities to be better people. Which means that, by enabling the foundation of a positive relationship, actions are directed towards achieving the objectives of the family as a whole.
To achieve the goal of generating a communication that serves as a favorable mechanism for family relationships, the members of the family nucleus must regularly question whether the way in which they communicate favors the approximation of its members and the development of trust, or on the contrary it is a mechanism used to stimulate manipulation, attack and insult.
When this questioning is answered in a conscious and honest way, the observation that can be made to the answers, will give the possibility of identifying the needs for communicative improvements in the family, which will facilitate them to achieve a positive family relationship, which guarantees all members , the optimal conditions exist to develop their maximum potential.
Determining factors for intrafamily communication
Coexistence is not always something simple, when you share and grow in direct contact with other people, you are faced with the conjunction of many factors that can unbalance the peace of the home, this is where the importance of communication in the family becomes clear. The process of living together demands qualities more adjusted to a constructive approach that allows the development of understanding skills, which generate positive effects for all members of the family.
The improvement of this attitude can only occur if they are based on love, since this is a true incentive to provide the best of ourselves by cooperating with the well-being of the other people in the family nucleus. Love as an enhancer of concord between those who share: the virtues and defects of each one, situations of happiness and distress and changes of mood that can range from positivism to depression.
To ensure a favorable and consonant communication with a good family atmosphere, it must be ensured that each communicated message is generated with the clear intention of supporting, contributing, improving, clarifying, and bringing the members closer together.
If communication does not have these objectives, it simply becomes deformed and is oriented towards bothering, distressing, damaging or disturbing, which will inevitably have devastating effects on family harmony, since instead of being an element of unity it would become a mechanism of separation. and rupture.
Family communication must set goals, it is necessary that it be oriented to meet specific objectives, in which everyone participates and are established as a shared responsibility, which everyone will carry out by mutual agreement, in principle the parents and little by little involve the children.
On occasions, the experience that a person may have is not consistent with what was stated above, this may be due to the fact that the communicative process is expected to develop in a casual way, without clear objective marks and the direction to follow to achieve them, especially the fundamental elements of family relationships.
As can be seen in the image, so that in families and basically any environment the communication process is effective, it is necessary that it be made up of clear and concise plans, that have a well-marked direction to be able to follow it and, therefore, fulfill everything. what was established above.
Aspects of communication in the family environment:
- What to say? Communication is complicated if you do not clearly determine what you want to say. There is a high probability of confusing the message with one’s own desires, expectations, emotions or misgivings, altering its content.
- How to say it? Communication must not only be courteous, but also appropriate to the subject to be discussed, the person to whom it is addressed, and the specific context in which it takes place.
- When to say it? Finding the exact opportunity and the perfect mood is key to the best receptivity of the message. Sometimes, it is preferable to wait for that right moment so that the message is transmitted effectively.
When you are at the very moment of communication, the following is transcendental:
- Listen with understanding. Since communication is two-way, it is necessary that there is harmony between the moments of speaking and listening. When listening, the affinity with which the other person’s emotions are attended to is involved.
- Consider the non-verbal elements. It is not enough to simply listen to the words, it is also necessary to be willing and receptive to be able to perceive what the other person is communicating through facial expression, gestures and attitude. Noticing the gestures that in turn are manifesting. For this reason, continuous eye contact is necessary, trying to maintain attention.
- Check receipt. By interpreting the opinions that have been expressed to the other person and consulting their consideration in this regard, it is possible to verify that they are adequately receiving the message that they want to convey and that they interpret it correctly.
Communication and relationship development
Interpersonal relationships are, to a large extent, the generators of happiness that people can feel. However, these relationships do not occur involuntarily or suddenly. As a consequence of an accumulation of actions, scenarios, factors and decisions that, when integrated, produce human relations.
The final result that occurs after the entire course of events has elapsed, can be satisfactory and beneficial or, failing that, be harmful and inconvenient. In personal relationships, especially those of a family nature, actions are continually carried out that produce a series of consequences for those involved that can generate a sense of belonging, rapport, protection, happiness and complacency, otherwise they could feel failure. and disenchantment.
This is so important that it reaffirms the inconvenience of leaving the course of family relations to chance, especially when the members seek to ensure that coexistence develops harmoniously and is based on the support and growth of people, where positive values predominate, with actions aimed at fortifying affinity, minimizing scenarios that may have a negative impact on the family environment.
Generally, the formation of a family begins with the union and development of a couple, the actions that are taken to achieve the rapport of the people that comprise it, will definitively affect the family that results from it. That is why any drive to achieve effective communication in the family must necessarily begin with the couple.
How does communication affect
Communication is an indispensable tool for the understanding of a couple, this can help in the consolidation of the relationship and strengthen the love they can feel, for which it is convenient to master the aspects that generate good communication, so that the result is produced. longed for.
When the messages passed between the members of a couple express esteem, consideration and gratitude, the relationship prospers. On the contrary, if what is transmitted between the two is contempt, apathy, irony and offense, the relationship is significantly damaged.
Research on integration processes has concluded that when people who relate to each other receive messages that give them feelings of worth, respect or esteem, they adopt receptive attitudes, which favors union and the progress of a relationship.
If the members of a relationship exercise an ideal communication, they feel well-being both with their partner and with themselves, due to the constructive contact with the loved one, being able to express their emotions, interests and fears, so that it is easy to reach to feel involved in such a way that they are prepared to face the problems that may arise without resorting to aggression or offense.
The purpose of the relationship
When you have an objective or purpose, actions are structured to achieve the desired result, in a defined period of time. In the case of a marriage, the ideal is the establishment of the common purpose of giving well-being and happiness to its members, so its main objective must be the actions that ensure this purpose.
A purpose is proposed, like a project, for which the available resources, strengths and weaknesses must be delimited, in addition to the risks that may be faced in achieving it, from then on, the optimal way to take advantage of it will be established. everything involved in putting the project into practice.
When the purpose of the project is the development of the family, the members, who initially are the parents, identify what they have in their favor and what they lack, determine what factors are their deficiencies and where the opportunities are. In this way, they can resort to what favors them and not base the process on those aspects that harm them.
As can be seen, the origin, growth and consolidation of a relationship depends exclusively on its members. If they go in search of happiness and a relationship that generates well-being, it will be productive for them to spend their efforts reinforcing daily understanding, approximation and union, especially when it comes to marriage or family.
To achieve these purposes, the actions that can have a direct impact must be taken into account:
- Acceptance. They consist of understanding that people have, in addition to virtues, also defects, if the positive and negative peculiarities that each one has are accepted purely and simply, they can focus on taking advantage of the positive, thus reinforcing the relationship.
- Each member of the family has a commitment to the relationship, at first the parents, when they assume responsibility for the relationship and dedicate their efforts to fulfill the goals of well-being and happiness. For this, the actions that allow the achievement of the objectives are traced responsibly.
- Problem solving. When things do not turn out as planned in a family nucleus, the members should focus on identifying the causes of the problem and applying the necessary corrective measures, avoiding stigmatization and assigning blame.
- Put your best. The family as a project is based on achieving the well-being and happiness of its members, which demands from each one of them, the decision to give the best of themselves with each action.
Interpersonal disagreements and their dominance over communication
Next, a brief story about disagreements in relationships, more specifically in the case of a marriage, this anecdotal story is perfect for the occasion because it brings up a situation of daily life, this is how we can feel identified with the and in turn, understand it much better:
“On one occasion, while traveling in a city little known to them, a married couple found it necessary to rent a car to make their transfers to different places on the outskirts. The husband was driving the car while they were heading to a specific place, when they realized that they had already passed the same place several times and were apparently lost. Immediately she proposed: – Let’s stop at a gas station, so you can ask for information and get oriented-…”
“Those who are reading this story, without a doubt, can guess the reaction and response of the husband. Indeed, they were right! The husband replied: – I know exactly where we are, I don’t need to ask. – “
“And they continued to walk the streets of the area without reaching the place they were looking for. Finally, after his wife insisted two or three more times, the clueless driver stopped next to a business, asked for directions and in a few more minutes they arrived at his destination. But obviously, not without the wife claiming that she had been right all along, using the dreaded phrase…. I told you! ” (3)
This was just a story, but this type of event occurs more than one can imagine, it is common for men to feel uncomfortable when asking for information, because most feel that they are lowering themselves or losing their manhood, therefore , this is quite uncomfortable for them, women on the other hand are always more open to asking for directions which makes both parties reach an impasse.
Reducing this conclusion to the fact that it is the fault of the male or female gender would be very vague, the problem here lies in a cultural issue, this has indoctrinated men to follow this pattern of behavior, in which they must be dominant and self-sufficient, ask for something as simple as an address can be humiliating, however, with a correct education regarding communication these situations could be avoided.
This story is just one of many regarding family life, this is just one example, but the same situation can apply to thousands of other examples, that is why it is important that there is a correct education in the family so that, from a young age, children grow up understanding that it is not necessary to react in a hostile way with their partner when it comes to having a misunderstanding.
The differences between couples that arise as a result of discussions, sometimes end in physical damage, in other cases end in psychological damage due to the words that have been used, that is why it is important to receive an education that helps to build and not to destroy, resolve anger with the best words and not with the best offenses, couples therapy can help improve communication between the two.
The reason for the differences
There are a lot of studies that are dedicated to trying to understand and explain the differences between men and women, however, these differences are more in personality than physical, the reason is that both men and women have different shapes of thinking, expressing, feeling and communicating, hence the famous phrase “men are from Mars and women are from Venus”.
Another difference that also exists between both sexes in a family is age, this can make a dent because with age come certain ways of thinking, in addition, personalities change with it, interests are another factor that is different according to the years of difference between each member of the family, therefore, this is a key factor when communicating as a family. The differences that could exist in the family should be looked at carefully, since these, not being attended to in time, could degenerate into worse problems, therefore, we are going to list a series of differences in family life and on which we should focus:
- Character: in a family group there can be people with a lot of self-confidence, these can be considered very independent and consider that they do not need support to continue, on the contrary, there are others who, if they need family support and approval to continue, usually if there is a confrontation between the two, the latter do not come out well when a difference occurs.
- Feelings: The way of feeling is different from each person, the way of expressing them is not the exception, therefore, there are members within the family who are not afraid to express these openly, in hard situations they cannot contain themselves, on the other hand they are those who are so serious that despite feeling bad they don’t show it, giving the impression that they don’t care even when they don’t.
- Expression: There are members in the family who, when they express their feelings, do so through words, they let off steam when they speak because they bring out everything they had inside, they want to be heard and taken into account, there are others who try to be as brief and direct as possible, this can be a source of disagreement in some communicative scenarios.
- Formation of relationships and links: there are many cases of people who are so closed that, even if they want to, it costs them a lot of effort to express their feelings, this is the reason that when they feel a lot of anger they try not to talk to anyone, on the contrary, they close in on themselves and isolate themselves from the rest of the world, this is just one case, well, there is the opposite case that they express themselves as much as possible, they say what they think without fear, they seek to be heard and receive attention to what they expose.
how to deal with differences
Human beings regardless of condition, class or gender have the same rights and duties, therefore, they deserve the same respect, all this comes from the mere fact of being people. However, despite this there are differences because not all people are the same, these differences are present in all humans because each one is different.
When examining a random family in depth, it is possible to notice that among its members there are differences in addition to appearance and being male or female, there are differences that must be analyzed to notice them, these can be seen by seeing how they express themselves, how they behave with others, including how they handle their feelings.
By understanding these differences, we can understand that everyone in society is different, that, despite coming from a family, everyone has different personalities, therefore, for a better understanding and acceptance of people and, consequently, better communication among all it is necessary to be tolerant and empathic with others, Christian values are a good way for families to have better communication with each other and also improve their differences.
When there is a lack of understanding between all the members of a family group, this generates differences, causes misunderstandings, these instead of helping to achieve improvements in communication, cause conflicts and fights that can degenerate into something irreparable, therefore, it is It is necessary to develop good communication.
Imposing the way of thinking of one family member over another, doing the same as the other member, feeling like the other, even loving the same things that another loves is a serious mistake, this only damages the self-esteem of the person in issue and seriously affects their personal and psychological development.
By accepting the differences between family members and accepting them, we can greatly improve the communication process, in this way we would obtain more knowledge and better well-being, we must accept that not all members within a family can think or look like a certain member therefore, not everyone has the same conditions despite having been raised the same.
To improve the quality of communication in family relationships, it is necessary to understand the differences, it is not as difficult as it might seem, it is only necessary to develop empathy, this allows us to put ourselves in the shoes and understand how the other feels without having to think or feel the same, also allows treating each one, according to their personal conditions, understanding that they have feelings that could be hurt and a personal way of thinking.
Dialogue and family communication
Dialogue is essential for people, therefore in the family it is even more important. Through communication, contact is established between people, thus transmitting thoughts and feelings. That is why, regardless of the diversity of criteria, each individual needs and wants to be heard, understood and valued in all their essence.
In this sense, efficient communication is essential to preserve excellent relationships in families, which allows the proper training of children, who are in full learning. Parents who establish effective communication with their children give them self-confidence, which will serve them throughout their development as people, favoring them to interact with their peers.
From the first days of life, communication is present in infants, who, unable to articulate words yet, express themselves through crying. Therefore, parents manage to develop a highly relevant interaction with their children, deciphering their needs and stimulating with gestures and affection, the feelings that provide tranquility and security, establishing a bond that will last over time until adulthood.
In this order of ideas, family communication creates a relationship of trust with the children, anticipating their needs and providing a balance that contributes to the educational work. The good relationship with children allows them to be attentive in the learning process, share with parents the concerns or vicissitudes that arise, makes it easier for them to openly express their feelings, show their attitudes as well as their desires, managing to build bonds of friendship. with the other people.
It is important to highlight that the simple act of speaking does not constitute a true communication, since for it to be effective, gestures, the tone of voice used, posture, among other components that allow ideas to be expressed, must be adhered to. These elements are perfectly intertwined when interacting with other individuals, forming a set that achieves the articulation of a message from a sender to a receiver.
Ratifying what has been stated above, family communication has a complex organization, made up of direct interpersonal messages, in addition to a system of praiseworthy signals, so that the individual who receives the message can realize what nature it corresponds to, and must be circumscribed in the continuity of the messages that have been disclosed to you. In this system the extra verbal is covered through the voice, gestures and mimicry.
On the other hand, we must keep in mind the principle of opportunity, that is, use the right moment to express something that is considered important, parents must provide or produce the situations in order to dialogue with their children, with which they must also be willing to listen.
Create a feedback with which both parties interact, to generate mutual trust, but obviously with a greater emphasis on the children who are being formed. In this way, they feel valued and integrated into their family nucleus, their questions or statements must be given the necessary attention and they must be allowed to express their interests.
It consists of a form of interaction that is established between people, who in a reciprocal way share information, generating among them a conglomerate of circumstances, which encompass the knowledge that each one possesses, respecting the regulations that make the existence of a communication, coexists the affective part that can occasionally complicate the process.
Depending on the emphasis given to a conversation at a given moment. This interactive process manages to position itself in a complex way, because it is from the human environment, it is not about giving an instruction and assuming that the other person will abide by it to the letter, without giving any question about it, there is always some detail that it can manifest instantly or on the contrary, it is answered later, but it can be an inadequate or inopportune response.
Through communication, they are socialized and obviously also educated. By placing the family in the seat of honor that belongs to it, being the fundamental base of a society, from the moment of the conception of a child, the interaction is already immersed, which will accompany that subject throughout its existence, recognizing the commitment that symbolizes for the parents to mold the personality, in this sense all the communication processes that are carried out are relevant.
It is not only about the issuance of educational messages, but all communication skills are covered and developed, with which family conflicts that may arise over time can be solved or resolved, also dictating the guidelines of the relationship bond that unites them at their core.
Communication challenges in the couple.
Next, a game that is used in couples therapy and also in companies will be described, this is used to show how serious misunderstandings can arise from an apparently problem-free communication situation, therefore underestimating issues such as these could degenerate into problems:
There is a fun and revealing game, which is used as entertainment in some meetings, it is the broken telephone.
In this game the participants, the more the better, stand in a wide circle and someone transmits a message in a low voice, into the ear of one of the players; this in turn, passes the message to the next player, secretly, taking care that no one else hears it; the second passes the message to the third, under the same conditions, and so on, until the message has reached the last player.
When the last player receives the message, he has to say it out loud to the whole group and, surprise! It is common for the message that is expressed on the air to have nothing to do with it, and on many occasions it is even contradictory. with the original message.
What can we get out of this game? Well, this game perfectly translates what happens in a work, academic and even family environment, sometimes when we receive a message, we are more interested in responding than in understanding, this causes that when they are telling us something we are more focused on something else, the result is that we think we are saying the message we receive when in reality we are emitting the message that occupied our attention.
This game also highlights another curious fact that happens in communication between people, there are those who even interpret something totally different, even those who change the original message leaving something totally different as a result, there are some who have not even finished listening to the message when they are already thinking about what to transmit them.
An example of this would be that the first message to transmit is «tomorrow there will be no homework», probably the first three in line will transmit the message correctly, however, when the message reaches number ten, the message that arrived will probably be «already there will be no more tasks”, this despite being an academic example, represents well what happens with communication in the workplace, for example when an event occurs and as more people find out, they add or remove data .
Therefore, the importance of this game is vital in the development of not only effective communication, but also truthful and correct, the reason is that the more it is put into practice, it could make people more attentive to the messages they receive and , therefore, the information they receive and transmit is consistent with that given at the beginning.
Importance of couple communication
Failures in communication such as, for example, the one seen thanks to that game usually occur at all times, both being receivers and senders of a specific message, just as this can happen in a work or academic environment, it can happen in the family, just as it happens in the family, it happens in couples, this is where it is usually more delicate.
It is valid to consider communication as the main and best means that a couple has to develop their chemistry, communication in the couple is what guarantees that it can be consolidated and finalize the relationship in good terms, in addition to keeping the flame and the passion, for this to be possible, knowing how to communicate is of vital importance.
One way to see it is how painters over time develop mastery when making their works, learn to combine colors and each time their paintings acquire strokes of better quality compared to the beginning. This is applicable to the relationship because, by communicating more and more with each other, they get to know each other better and later have solid foundations in it.
When the two parties that make up a couple carry out correct communication, they develop their self-esteem, feeling better, this is because they manage to get closer in a positive and better way with the loved one, this contact allows them to better express what they want and what worries them. and, in turn, feel that in your partner they find understanding, this will solve the possible perfectly normal problems in a relationship, this without reaching the fights or even worse, the offenses.
Any person with a partner relationship and who has healthy communication will therefore have an improvement in their self-esteem, this is because, when they feel heard, they feel integrated and, therefore, included, this will make it easier to express themselves and trust the other person, thus ensuring that both achieve their goals.
How to improve couple communication
To achieve effective communication in the couple, a series of characteristics are necessary that we will proceed to explain later, but the most important thing is to understand that for a relationship to work properly, it is necessary that both members have a well-developed individual personality. Next, the necessary characteristics for the correct operation will be listed:
- Clear and positive objectives when communicating: To achieve this it is necessary that there be good intentions, these may be wanting to help the couple, improve the relationship by solving a problem if it is considered to exist and get closer to the other, this will achieve a lot of development. the intimacy between the two is better, not to leave misunderstandings unresolved, it is better to clarify everything and not reserve it for a moment of anger, finally, not to believe oneself superior to the other in communication, this should not be used to offend or hurt, for the On the contrary, it must be used to be able to unite with each other.
- Honesty and respect when communicating: in a relationship there are magical moments and everything is beautiful, however problems or misunderstandings always occur, the healthy thing is to be honest with the aspects that we do not like about our partner, we must understand that touching these issues is not disrespectful, on the contrary, when talking about these issues the couple is made to understand that there is the necessary trust to express what they do not like without this being a reason for disagreement or fights, this it can even strengthen the relationship more than staying silent.
- The least suitable place and time: When a couple masters the previous step but does not choose the right time, this could be detrimental to the health of the relationship, the most correct thing would be to wait for a time that is conducive to talking, for example a family dinner It is the least opportune time to fix couple problems, a meeting with friends is not a good place either, in fact this could worsen the problems because people who do not belong to the relationship could give their opinion, damaging the health of the relationship. Therefore, it is always good to look for opportune moments or, failing that, moments in which both are alone.
- Strengthen the self-esteem of your partner: To begin with, it should be noted that self-esteem is something intrinsic to the person, however, in a relationship there are aspects that can damage the self-esteem of the other, such as teasing, a mockery at play is harmless However, if proper care is not taken, if it is a heavy or even offensive joke, the self-esteem of the other can be weakened, therefore it is always important to know our partner well to understand the healthy limits when communicating. with the other, so both members of the relationship will be well off.
How to achieve effective and positive communication with children
Throughout this article, the importance of quality communication with each member of the family has been highlighted, this goes beyond just the couple, on the contrary, a family group in theory is made up of «Father, Mother and children » Therefore, it is necessary for everyone within that group to learn to communicate with each other, to learn to trust each other without fear of being judged or ignored.
Taking this into account, it is important that both parents communicate effectively with their children, in this way they will be able to form a higher quality relationship, their children will grow up to be men and women with a solid enough self-esteem to face the world.
Although it may not seem like it, it is normal that sometimes real communication in the family is not given due importance, that is, parents tend to exclude their children from certain problems or decision-making, therefore, they usually occur crises in which they later complain, however, these crises could have been avoided if the children had been included previously.
When parents wait for the first problems to appear to start communicating, they are usually unsuccessful, the reason is that many times children, feeling excluded, grow up with resentment, therefore, when parents want to approach these they only get rejection and in some cases being expelled from their lives, therefore, it is always important to trust that our children will be able to understand the dilemmas that afflict the family.
Basic elements of communication
The basis of any human relationship is communication, it is for this reason that all of us as a species can communicate, however, it is valid to ask if the way in which we are carrying out this communicative act is adequate, it is also valid to ask and worry about the consequences that may degenerate from said communication.
Correct communication implies dialogue on the part of both, a dialogue is a bilateral conversation, that is, opinions are issued and received, just listening does not mean that the person is understanding, therefore, it is important to try to understand what the other person is telling us, both verbally and with their body language, even silences are important in a conversation.
It is important that parents, when communicating with their children, stop to listen to them, not to answer them but to understand them, this will guarantee that it will be a quality communicative act, also it is necessary to understand that each child has different personalities and dreams, for Therefore, it is good that sometimes they do not treat them all at once, on the contrary, taking time with each child could improve the relationship between both parties.
The moments of dialogue between our children should be that, a dialogue, that is to say, a conversation that involves two parties and not, a monologue, that is to say that they only listen to us unable to say anything, this could be taken in a negative way, as a scolding and even worse, as the parents do not care what they have to say.
To better understand the communicative acts between us and our children, it is important to understand if we are listening to them to answer them or if we are listening to them to understand them, it is really important to stop and ask ourselves what this communicative act is like, it is important that, as parents, we reflect if we are giving adequate importance to communication with children.
Reasons why communication with children fails
On many occasions the problems were predestined because the parents sowed them without realizing it, this is due to the way in which they have communicated with their children, also the way in which they have not done so has a great influence on this.
Many times when children are in their early years (before the age of ten) they lack attention from their parents, this because it could be tedious for the parents or because they are thinking about the future, that is, the moment when the fact that they can have a one-on-one conversation as adults, many parents believe that when that time comes, communication can be fruitful and adequate.
If we take this idea as the basis of the relationship with children, it is basically as if we consider them unimportant people, beings who have nothing to say that is considered important, there are even parents who get upset when their children want to express themselves to others so they receive threats with their eyes, they end up being scolded that the conversations are only for adults and they are sent to leave because they get in the way.
A child who grows up believing that, that is to say that he is in the way or that he should not speak, will feel irrelevant, he will even feel that whatever his parents are doing will be more important than spending time with them, making our children believe that there are many More important things than communicating with them is what generates those gaps that cannot be closed later.
As seen in the image, when children grow up under this type of parenting, a gap is generated between them and their parents, neither of the two sides understands each other, this means that, in many cases, the relationships between the two are fractured for many years, in some cases the children tend to grow up with a grudge and therefore do not forgive their parents.
There are times when parents believe that it is easier to let their children be cared for by other people, they even attribute to them the responsibility of listening, playing, entertaining and educating them, this means that the bonds between parents and children are not formed On the contrary, the children establish ties, but with the person who is raising them, finally, the children grow up under the belief that their parents never loved them or worse still, everything is more important than sharing with them.
Parents do not realize the mistake made until they have passed the point of no return, that is, when it is too late to correct the mistakes made, this usually happens in adolescent crises, when children choose to be rebellious and disobey to their parents, many attribute the responsibility of this only to the children when the parents also have responsibility for this.
When parents begin to see the problems that arise from their lack of attention, it is when they try to communicate with their children, try to get closer to them and want to compensate for the moments in which they ignored them, however the only thing they get is being ignored by their children. , these create barriers because when it was the right time to establish strong and real ties, parents did nothing, adolescents usually want to forge their identity in those years, parents are of vital importance to help them with that, unfortunately not all of them built channels of effective communication when the time was right.
When analyzing this type of cases in depth, it is possible to understand why, in many cases, when children reach adulthood, they do not contact their parents, in fact, they ignore them because they did not build effective communication channels when they were children. The right time is the reason why there are many dysfunctional families, also the reason why many times grandparents pamper their grandchildren excessively, they want to compensate for the absence they had in their children’s lives by being good grandparents.
How to open channels of effective communication
When parents want to open channels of effective communication with their children, it is generally when they are going through their adolescence period, it goes without saying that it is already late, the reason is that already at that stage of the children’s lives the damage is done Therefore, it is important to anticipate this, to start building these channels in advance to avoid a great series of problems.
There are many ways to create a healthy and quality relationship with children, it is important to understand that everything can be avoided in this life, from problems to fights, the only important thing is to always be alert to the signals that they are sending us, therefore Here are some tools to be able to communicate better with children:
- Create special moments and memories: it is important that as a family there are traditions such as; Going to a square or a park on Sundays may seem silly, but spending time with them as children will make them grow up with good memories of their parents.
- Take advantage of time and opportunities: It is vitally important that conversations are not only between adults with adults and children with children, on the contrary, when group conversations are generated giving them the opportunity to participate and express themselves, they can feel more included and by transitive property, in confidence with the parents.
- Special attention: Many times when children approach their parents to talk, we do not listen to them enough, in fact, we ignore them, it would be good to put aside what is being done for a moment and pay attention to them, Communication in the Family It will improve a lot if the children feel heard.
- Exclusive time: Although it may not seem like it, one of the ways to improve communication in the family is to spend time alone with each child, this will help them to form affective ties, also to let them vent with parents by commenting on things that are of your interest, whether it’s your favorite cartoon, even the girl or boy you like at school, it may seem banal, however, this strengthens the ties between both parties.
- The routine: this point is the most important on the list, it is important that these actions are not something one time and, on the contrary, we must return to the routine of getting involved with our children, it is important that these in their process of maturity and growth have the perception of us as their friends, repeating these steps will help create strong and lasting relationships.
How to communicate with a teenager
Many parents cannot understand why when they are with their adolescent children they do not talk to them, in fact, they are in almost deathly silence communicating only and exclusively for basic things, however, when communicating with their friends also teenagers this is not so, in fact, the hours are not enough to say everything that they have in their minds.
There are reports of parents of adolescents who express a certain confusion regarding their children, the reason being that when their friends visit, they talk non-stop, in fact they all speak almost in unison, this generates doubts because, when it comes to being these alone with their children lack the same level of communication, in fact, it is normal for them to be alone in silence and communication becomes one person speaking and the other only responding not communicating.
In a conversation it is normal for both parties to ask and answer questions, however, parents of teenagers affirm that their children do not talk to them, they do not even show interest, in fact, they say that their answers are incredibly short, almost as if they were being charged for every word, unlike conversations with your friends.
Many parents find this disconcerting reality, but, although it may not seem true, it is more normal than it seems, the reason is that they do not know how to hold conversations with their children because they never did when they were children, but in addition to this problem, there is also an additional problem, the unwillingness of adolescents to talk to their parents.
Adolescents often feel no interest in talking to their parents, therefore, they communicate with them only for what is strictly necessary, it should be noted that not all adolescents have this stage, but those who do, develop habits such as responding with only monosyllables, they are even capable of ignoring calls and messages from parents.
Many parents in European countries state that their children have these attitudes towards them, therefore, many social workers have dedicated themselves to investigating what is what generates this apathy on the part of children to their parents, part of the results show a relationship very weak or non-existent on the part of the parents to the children when they were children.
Another of the results that the studies also reveal is that children are much more dependent on their friends, it is with them that they generate closer emotional ties and trust, this means that, by talking more with their friends, they take refuge in them and they build behavior patterns that are not the same, but similar.
In many cases, this causes disrespect for parents to be created, it also creates a behavior of disobeying the rules, they ignore good manners and even fail to fulfill their duties. One of the reasons is that their friends usually support everything they propose, therefore, they will avoid a deep relationship with someone who thinks the opposite of them.
Many parents feel disconsolate at the light of these results, however, covering the sun with a finger is not a viable solution, if parents of this generation want to avoid this type of behavior, they have to take action since their children they are children, communicating correctly making them feel integrated.
In order to establish correct communication with a teenager, you have to form solid foundations from childhood, this does not mean spoiling them excessively, just spending time with them, making them feel loved and supporting them. An optimal relationship is impossible without first working on it, however, there are always options and professionals to help manage these relationships.
Next, a series of recommendations given by experts on the subject will be listed, these are intended to improve relationships between parents and adolescent children, if they are put into practice it is very likely that the quarrels between both parties can end, in this way , a healthier and less toxic relationship will be created:
- The creation of special family moments: Many experts recommend calling the whole family, that is, uncles, cousins etc., having family gatherings of this size once a week, even once a month, helps a lot to build ties with The children can even be seen in American society as weekly they meet and celebrate barbecues, parties, etc., they even play board games such as card games, dominoes, ludos, among others, they also play family sports such as rugby, basketball, soccer or softball, this helps to strengthen the bonds between each member.
- Having the presence of parents when necessary: It is normal that as children grow, they show interest in leaving the house, therefore they will not spend as much time as when they were in their childhood years, it is normal When parents see this, they should also take the opportunity to strengthen their relationship as a couple and go out, however, many professionals recommend that from time to time at least one of the two is at home when their children are, so they will not feel alone , this can encourage them to come in our quest to spend quality time, even to ask for advice, therefore it is important to achieve a balance between living the relationship as a couple and the relationship with the children.
- Create opportunities: This point is directly complemented by the previous one, when children go to their parents with the intention of asking for advice or even to comment on some event in their lives, it would be advisable for parents to have the delicacy to respond affirmatively to this call, in fact, it would be good if they were able to stop what they are doing to concentrate on their children, these are the best times to strengthen ties and get to know each other better, in this way the relationships between parents and children will not be seen as affected as they usually are.
- Take advantage of the circumstances of life to be a guide for our children: there are moments in everyone’s life, even when we were teenagers, in which we lost a loved one, we saw how a close friend became pregnant in her adolescence, although not only bad situations, in fact also good moments such as when they were accepted in good universities or, they managed to fulfill some goal that they had, it is important that we share with them in those moments, that we know their way of thinking in each one of the opportunities and moments that the life will present them, that is how little by little a friendship relationship with the children will be formed.
Communication and transmission of values
It is normal that, when watching the news, reading the newspaper or checking social networks, we are bombarded with headlines that generate alarm among people, many of these headlines are about wars, mass murders, people who resort to suicide, people who decide for some reason to steal, there are even news of violations and breaches of people’s rights.
This shows something, it is that, in society, it is necessary to establish good values in society, this is motivated by the fact that all those acts described above happen due to the absence of values and good teachings, we as parents are responsible for teach new generations good values, both by example and through talks.
The changes in society are more than evident, nowadays things have become popular that were not so popular before or were prohibited, this in itself would not be bad if it were controlled, an ethic of effort has been changed for one of fun and ease, this can be seen for example in some (not all) rap songs or in some (not all) Latin American movies, in which the law of least effort is promoted.
Many grow up believing that it is normal to receive without giving anything in return, it is normal that they even disrespect relationships and be unfaithful because currently the fashion is “everyone is unfaithful”, this shows the clear social deterioration that we are suffering, it is even normal that some trap songs (not all) promote having been imprisoned as a virtue or a pattern to follow.
These ways of thinking reveal not only the clear social deterioration that we are experiencing, but also show that the current generation is more exposed to information without controls or filters, that is, they copy what they see in its entirety, the role of parents in this situation is to sow good values to prevent the new generations from copying everything they see, by sowing good values it is possible to sow a strong criterion that serves to distinguish good from evil.