Sexuality in courtship , for it to be carried out, it needs to be expressed either with words, gestures, looks or actions. Since we are children we have the instinct to relate or form relationships with people with whom we have things in common and that match our tastes: an ability, ways of dressing, playing, speaking and even thinking.
affection between humans
Since the beginning of man, affection has always been a necessity for the development of the human being. Psychologists always demarcate the importance of receiving and giving affection and although we currently live in a society that has been in charge of imposing affective conditions and the way in which they should be expressed, resulting in many people feeling lack of affection
What we should all be aware of is the fact that affection is not about something material, it can be demonstrated verbally and non-verbally what this is about, when we give a caress, a hug and even the simplicity of a kiss, it is demonstrating our affection the simple fact of offering a detail or with a small gesture of acceptance.
Affection is something so simple and remarkable that with the tone of voice and reciprocity in physical contact you can notice whether or not there is affection. It is something that is part of our day to day life and our daily life is a manifestation that we see in the house, at work, with our relatives and the children at school.
Hence the importance of maintaining affective relationships and this is done when: we are supportive, when we show some kind of interest in the activities that another person carries out, accompanying the person derives from this, it is about sharing an opinion or concern of course establishing limits without violating or trying to overshadow the other person, we must never forget respect, always remember to provide space for yourself and for other people.
Affection is something erudite that is related to the physical, intellectual and psychological, it can be said that in a certain way it goes hand in hand with what we call moral and has a lot to do with ethics. It is something so focused that it is a commitment to the other that implies the enjoyment and acceptance of both.
Even today there are cultures that you could define in a certain way as “macho” within this upbringing, men are told that showing affection is a sign of weakness and that it is something that only females should do as children, these men limit themselves to express their feelings, refusing affection or rather depriving themselves of all kinds of emotions and those of others, of what we know as the approval of attachment and the diversity of feelings that exist in courtship and sexuality .
Not only in sexuality in courtship there is affection, this occurs with all the people with whom we surround ourselves with that we call friends and moments full of feelings are shared and for which we celebrate that friendship, which in turn helps us to reaffirm the affective identity with our own being. Let it not be the fear of rejection that prevents us from showing our affection.
Adolescence, sexuality in courtship
Since we are children we begin to relate to other individuals, this is something that belongs to our need to unite with people who resemble us with whom we can share or disagree.
I like to think that the term Courtship was created by adults not knowing how to react to the existence of a feeling of friendship that grows in their adolescent children and even children based on that affection, tenderness and attraction that they show towards another individual, It is as if this word were a kind of welcome before marriage, which perhaps would guide him a little to what fidelity, responsibility and the importance of relating beyond friendship mean.
My recommendation for all those parents who go through this circumstance is to remain calm and take into account that it is the right time to give information about love and sexuality, since it is the time when our children are in their stage full questioning.
We know that in adolescence there are many things with which we do not feel comfortable, we feel suspicious with our aesthetics, and everything that has to do with the expressions of social skills based on dance, the way we move, speak in the social environment, It is for this reason that the lack of acceptance is recurrent to the rejection, which on certain occasions is considered as a lack of self-esteem.
Adolescence is that period of life in which one is more prone to change in terms of physical and psychological aspects and this makes any sexual relationship in courtship unstable.
Although we may not believe it within that whole world of suspicion, shyness, uncertainty and spirit, there are many adolescents who, if they manage to form a relationship as a couple that we call courtship today, learn to communicate their feelings and problems, and these it helps to begin to discover themselves, to know what they like and what they don’t, to what extent they are tolerant and to what extent they don’t, it’s about growth due to the constant interaction with the adult world, the truth is that this gives them the possibility of relationships between the two sexes.
Even so, it is still somewhat difficult to establish a dating relationship at puberty, because the human being is in a process of building his own image, which is very influential in an environment in which you see yourself. thanks to how you should flirt and somehow make yourself irresistible to the guy you like.
What is Courtship?
We have already talked about the fact that the psychological changes that we go through are precisely the ones that make possible the attraction between two beings, it is through the expression of affection to people who are not part of our family, it is that courtship can be considered such as the initiation to sexuality that will help us define our identity, among many other aspects, it is for this reason that before formalizing a marriage we first allow ourselves some time to get to know each other and that is what courtship is for.
He is in charge of uniting love with force, when he is in courtship he expresses himself through conversation, letter kisses, words and caresses, it is a key issue in courtship relationships.
Sexuality is another point that should be discussed, because of course it is in courtship that we also see in courtship that Professor Manfred Bluthardt says that “courtship is a time of erotic experimentation, which must be developed under control and with a view to a complete union in the most suitable framework of marriage.” This does not try to explain that we must control ourselves at the moment of sexuality, it is clear that it must be demonstrated but always with control and responsibility.
Without feeling an intense love towards another person for which we come to want to marry him, that feeling implies sexual desire. If we must be aware of something that this feeling does not flourish after the pastor in the church says: and I declare you husband and wife. It is something that arises from the first contact and develops over time. It is said that dating sexuality increases from:
From a Caress, to intertwining hands, which leads to the initial kiss, then the way of kissing increases, it goes through little games, and last games prior to the sexual act and proceeds to sexual intercourse.
They are each of the stage through which the majority passes before the sexual act, each of them has its risk and commitment, it can be analyzed that in the first of them there is no major success but as caresses are developed, a hug holding hands and from there you can go to innocent kisses let’s say that there is no great commitment.
Everything begins to increase when the innocent kisses become intense and extended kisses we are in the danger zone with a warning message and in reality with great difficulty it is possible to go back it is like driving and finding ourselves on a road that no longer has a return It is for this reason that we advise that if you are not prepared, it is better not to reach these stages.
To begin to express those feelings we must first establish conversations and do not rush. Live the first stages calmly, in my opinion it is the most beautiful, they are full of letters, kisses, words and caresses. It is necessary that you know that all that intensity of emotions and feelings that flow in you are normal and amazing, and you are in all the privilege of living these are sensations that more than enjoying them we must learn to lead with them, knowing how to select the person with the one that you consider that you will share great anecdotes of your life.
Courtship is fundamental, it allows us to approach others in different ways, in a more intimate way than with family and friends and of course more meticulous and respectful, the best way to conquer is to be more attractive, to have some kind of detail, to express yourself with affection. , affection, tenderness; is that courtship is about sharing tastes, activities and why not even knowledge.
When you fall in love you feel vulnerable since it is a desire or happiness that should be mutual and reciprocated, in order to feel said and not the opposite because you suffer from unrequited love.
There are three quite significant faces that must come together when a couple who loves each other in this one sees intimacy, passion and of course commitment.
- When we refer to intimacy we speak of that feeling of closeness, communication and bond that must be established.
- Passion is that propelling force of the physical and emotional that the couple demonstrates capable of dominating the will and disturbing reason, such as intense love, hate, jealousy or anger.
- The commitment that must be made at the beginning of a relationship and during it is to respect the decision we make to love someone. The commitment also reflects every effort that is made to preserve love.
It is clear that at a certain age it is more difficult to understand the concept of love and the couple, it is about trial and error with one or several people related in the intensity of the commitment, from friends with benefits to boyfriends, everything is about enjoyment and a feast of our feelings. It was always worth falling in love and living that love.
When we are in a couple relationship, we want to share everything, that free time, the time we spend at parties, meetings with our social environment. Your first experiences will define what the assertive way of relating to for the rest of your life is like, and even more so if it is a feeling of mutual commitment.
If you start a relationship full of abuse and you are a victim from the beginning, you will always continue to be and just as if from the beginning you are the abusive one, I doubt that you will change if it is not your will, if a relationship begins in this way we can consider it as a failure.
It is usually disclosed to adolescents that they should prolong as much as possible the fact of having their first relationship known as “first love”. This is due to the fact that we know that at that age we know how to control all feelings and sometimes all the stages of courtship are skipped to reach the sexual act, where if one does not have full responsibility, this action could be harmful to the child. rest of our lives.
It is for this reason that today I urge you not to deprive them, but to guide them and talk to them about what is good and what is not very clearly so that adolescents know which path to take, always educating them and guiding them on the best path. As we have already been mentioning, courtship is a stage of enjoyment, there are couples who feel total enthusiasm for giving themselves completely and on many occasions their judgment is clouded and leads them to make and act with bad decisions.
In many relationships courtship is formalized through marriage. What is certain is that through courtship you will meet many more people and of course it helps us to know ourselves, you will notice that there are situations in which you did not know that you could act wisely and others in which perhaps because of afraid you do not act in the best way and these are situations in which you get out of control.
But if we use communication, the exchange of opinions, visions, thoughts, beliefs and ideals, all these difficulties can be faced, allowing us to discover if we are capable of solving them together with our partner;
There will be times when you decide to have sex on impulse, but it is recommended that this be a process that must be followed to meet the couple’s goals.
What is the right time to start sexual activity?
The most relevant thing to know is that at the moment of initiating the sexual act you must be satisfied and sure with yourself that you are doing it for yourself and because you want to, and not because other people are imposing it on you or because other people are doing it. doing or they tell you what is “normal”, let’s remember that it is your own and important decision and should only be framed in your life projects and not in that of others.
It is known that, like the rest of the world, you have every right in the world to live these experiences, but do not forget that you must first know the consequences of having hasty sexual relations and you must assume each of the consequences of the decision you decide to make. , always always remember that sexual intercourse without protection (condom), and prevention carries risks that can which is most likely to drastically affect your long and short term plans.
Sexual desire goes hand in hand with attraction, let’s say that it is one of the ingredients to make the decision, although I can say that it is NOT enough to live this experience in a gratifying way in which you should feel full.
There has to be something that takes you much further so that it can be said that there is love in this couple. I know that many adolescents are not totally sure and prepared to start the sexual act, and it is for this reason that after finishing it they end up frustrated, repentant and somewhat guilty. So for this to happen you must take into account:
- They must know as much as possible and feel that they are united.
- It is an act in which you must have a certain maturity, so you must be responsible as such to feel free.
- If you are not capable of parenting, avoid doing it because of the desire to check if you are fertile.
- It should not be done to subdue, break in, demonstrate some kind of power or authority.
- Avoid doing it because you feel alone or only sex does not complement you, it is done for personal satisfaction.
- The human body sometimes needs to release sexual pulsations and coital activity is the most used form, since it is a physical need.
- There are people who perform the sexual act out of necessity and even to know what capacity they have in sexuality or to know about the pleasures of their body.
- At no time should it be done for fear of a break in the couple or to cover some negative action.
- It is very very common for people to have sex under the influence of alcohol and it is not recommended just like after consuming drugs or under depression.
- Never have relationships under pressure from any social group, much less to challenge your parents or those responsible for you.
We are all aware that affection, affection, love needs to be expressed and not only with words, sometimes it has to be something with gestures, looks, caresses, among others.
But you could classify love in different degrees and each expression and gesture has to be consistent with it:
- There is the love of a mother for her son, this is u=a love of suspicion of care, a love with authority and respect.
- The love that brothers offer each other is a love that is based on fights, support, that throughout life you know that you will always count on him.
- The love between friends, this is the one that in some lasts for years but in others because they grow up they change their vision, change or end.
- And finally, the love of spouses, it is a love that is based on mutual support, everything must be done in this way reciprocity.
- All these are considered love but in different degrees, ways and are totally different.
It is for this reason that it is very disturbing that love is expressed between siblings in the same way that it is expressed between couples. You have to understand that there are different types of affection, the one that should be expressed to the couple and the one that should be expressed to the friend.
Is that they do not have the same characteristics is that you should not express love to your parents in the same way that you would express it to your boyfriend. It is that among these relationships the same characteristics do not exist and therefore they should not be expressed the same in all cases.
Emilly Stefan The Fear lab was an American author of young adult novels, most known for her fantasy series, Age of the Seventh Sun.